Working With an Office Goblin (And How to Thrive as One)

office goblin

Here's the official definition of the phrase "office goblin": 

A person at company who has been deemed worthless in terms of how they contribute to the company but still continues to hold a job.

We've all heard the tales, the rumors of the elusive creatures known as "office goblins." These sneaky little beings are said to lurk around the corners of the office, causing delays in projects, creating unnecessary obstacles, and generally making work more difficult for the rest of us. But are these office goblins real, or just an urban legend?

For people managers (employees skip below 👇)

Unfortunately, the truth is that office goblins do exist, and they can have a significant impact on the productivity and morale of a workplace. These individuals may not necessarily have malicious intent, but their lack of productivity and value to the organization can cause frustration and delays for their colleagues.

But fear not, people managers! There is hope for ridding your workplace of these troublesome creatures. The key is to address and manage their presence in the office. This may involve setting clear expectations and goals for the individual, providing additional training or resources, or even re-evaluating their role within the organization.

It's also important to remember that we've all had moments where we've felt like an office goblin ourselves. Life comes at us, and the effort or motivation just isn't there. The key is to recognize when we're not meeting expectations, take a step away to evaluate, and make an effort to improve.

While office goblins may seem like a myth, they are all too real. But with the right approach, they can be managed and even eliminated from the workplace, allowing for a more productive and efficient environment for all.

For employees (people managers close your eyes 🙈)

Want to learn how to do less and still get ahead in the workplace? Look no further!

First, it's important to master the art of pretending to be busy. This can be achieved by constantly walking around with a determined look on your face, carrying a stack of papers and muttering things like "gotta get this done" or "so much work." Your coworkers will think you're a productivity machine and leave you alone to do whatever you please.

Next, make sure to use buzzwords and jargon whenever possible. No one knows what they mean, but they'll assume you do and will be impressed. Plus, if someone does call you out, just play it off as "thinking outside the box" or "disrupting the status quo." Big-data-in-the-cloud.

Another great strategy is to delegate work to others. Find the most eager and gullible person in the office and convince them that a task is "right up their alley" or "perfect for their skillset." They'll be thrilled to take on the work and you'll be free to relax.

Finally, always have an excuse ready. Whether it's a "family emergency" or a "personal day," make sure to have a reason ready to go for why you can't complete a task or why you're not working as hard as everyone else.

Remember, in the world of work, perception is everything. With these simple tips, you'll be able to do less and still be seen as a valuable employee. Happy slacking!

Mr. Goblin


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